Break Up Diary Entry #1
Right about now, he’d text me to say that he’d wash his face. I’d reply with a, “Okay, will wait for you to call.” I miss him. And it literally hurts.
Viewing all this in a futuristic manner, I know I’ll be fine. Apparently, I’m stronger than I think. Everyone says it so it must be true.
I’ve been dreaming about him a lot. Every single time, he comes back to me. I know Cinderella says, “A dream is a wish your heart makes when you’re fast asleep,” and that you should never tell anyone about your wishes because they would never come true (I’m not sure if she said it. I know one of the Disney gals did.) but I was never one to believe in fairy tales. I preferred the morbid Grimm versions. Way closer to reality if you ask me.
Despite everything he’s putting me through, I still want him to come back.
How do you move on from someone you’ve been thinking, breathing, talking to for more than a year?
I accept that things have to change, what I can’t accept is why things have to change.
So maybe I’ve had my share of shortcomings but I’ve been nothing but faithful. I took care of him more than I took care of myself. I gave him all the love I could muster. I did everything in my power to make him happy.
But he still left.
I admit I make mistakes, I know I’m not a saint. I’m a repentant sinner.
I would understand if he left me because I sucked at being a girlfriend but I know I didn’t. Every time we’d fight, I was always the one who’d say sorry regardless of whose fault it was because he would never lower down his pride. If I was at fault, I’d make sure I’d make it up to him.
If I had to do something for him, I’d go the extra mile.
Everybody knows that.
I don’t know why but I feel like this entire mess is under the watchful eye of everyone I know.
After all this, I guess there are a lot of things I’m thankful for. I’ve got a kick-ass support group composed of people who give me advice, people who want to rip his head off, people who want nothing but to make me happy, and so many more.
I don’t want to keep my thoughts to myself because I’m a suicide risk that’s why I’m writing it all down.
So forgive me if The Toilet seems so sad henceforth. I’m nursing a broken heart and I think that’s reason enough.
